Friday, May 13, 2005
although i managed to watch kingdom of heaven(koh) and house of wax..which i should be extremely happy bout..i arent anymore..
becoz i think i made ivan angry by watch koh with 7 guys from my class..
haiz..i tried to find girls to go along but shuli dun want to watch, candice watch le..mel wants to go orchard..so all i found were guys to go along..so had no choice..
then ivan was the one who told me to go watch it with my friends first becoz he wanted to do guy stuff with his own friends..
so izzit my fault??
i dun think so but i cant help but feel guilty bout it..
becoz he just told me not to tell him if i go out with guy friends again..so does tt mean he actually goes out with his gal friends and dun tell me??
this is making me think so much i cant conc on studying for my lit paper on mon..
i mean..he doesnt seem to want to tell me anything at all..what happened in his family and stuff..so i know nuts about what goes on..
whats the pt of cont. a relationship in this way?
i know i was wrong..i feel extremely guilty..but u also hang out with girls right??
tt sun u said tt we go studying together and i meet u after my church service..
but u didnt msg me at all tt day till i did..and when i did, u told me u were studying with two frenz..girl sumore..and tt there was still an empty seat for me..
ya..i was angry..i mean, dont u even think bout how an 'extra' i would be if i went??
so why couldnt u inform me earlier tt 2 frenz were there in the 1st place huh?
u, said we go together, so i turn down shuli and my co frenz..
becoz i would nv miss any opportunity to see u..
and i nv do..instead,i am always the one who try to ask u out..
does tt make it seem tt our relationship is a one sided love on u part and not mine??
yes..i now seriously believe tt men's egos are big..
u only think bout urself..tt i dun show enough care towards u, tt i dun love u enough..tt i am nv doing enough..
or maybe its just me..tt i expect too much..tt i expect my bf to know whats goin on in my mind..
haiz..no matter how hard i try..i can nv be the perfect daughter..i nv get along with anyone in my family..
i can nv be the perfect gf..i nv get relationships right..3 failures and still i dunno how to make my guy happy..
i am juz a bloody..haiz..not before, not now..
i guess i am nv good enough for everyone..
all i juz wanna say is, ivan, i am sorry for hurting ur feelings..
i promise not to do it again..i'm sorry..
love u dear..
♥ poured out my thoughts at
8:30 PM
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