Wednesday, September 28, 2005
‘Now I know why you cant make a guy happy..’
This thought that has been stuffed into the back of my brain has resurfaced because something triggered it
And it isn’t a good thing.
Once again I am led to think deep into the matter and re-evaluate whatever has been going on.
The result as usual will always be as painful as those before and I am made to believe that I am the cause of it all.
I know I am like all other normal human beings who never ever blames themselves for bad things that happens.
Like everyone else, I am one who constantly push my responsibilities and duties and problems onto other people, just so that I can feel better about myself and think that perhaps, whatever happens is only a figment of my imagination. How I always wish I am never the one who made the mistakes and it was someone else who did.
But at the end of day, why am I doing this? When i will only get back to square one, with time wasted on trying to use lies to cover up whatever that was done.
Being through tough stuff proves to be an experience that one will never forget.
Esp. when it comes to matters of the heart.
I mean, how can u actually be sure that this or that guy you are with, really has true and genuine feelings for you when u have been with ones that didn’t care a damn about you??
Furthermore, what should you do when you suddenly realize whatever crap or un-offensive remark that person say about you actually really really matters to you? And that u are affected because that person really matters a lot to you now?
It is scary to think that once again u might actually care about someone more than he does towards you.
Should you ignore this fact till you are hurt again when he takes you for granted one day?
Or should you back away and learn to control your feelings, so that they wont run wild?
Relationships are never easy for me. There’s just so much going on up there in my mind.
Because I really wonder, when will I ever be good enough for you?
When will I be able to get good grades and straight As like you can?
When will I be pretty enough to match up to you?
Seriously, my life is just based on crap and crap and more crap.
Because I am not street smart, neither am I gorgeous enough, smart enough, talented enough, or cute.
I am just crappy.
Why did you even like such an imperfect girl like me to begin with??
♥ poured out my thoughts at
4:29 PM
Newer Posts
_______________________________________________________
Older Posts
